A Pain Patient's Diary: The Ibogaine Experience
"I had a car accident when a teenager, that caused the removal of large part of both large and small intestines, and left a metal rod in my right femur from my hip to my knee.
Apparently over time, my back deteriorated somewhat, though whether it's directly related to that accident I am not sure- but I've had many things happen in the meantime to aggrevate the back too.
My pain meds are prescribed expressly for lower back and right leg pain, excruciating, still unrelenting pain that goes up and down my back and leg. I have two narrowing discs, post op calcification and arthritis. That's what the pain meds are rxd for.
For the last couple months pre-ibo, I was injecting 3 to 4 dilaudid 4s at a time, anywhere from every 45 minutes to every couple hours, until I ran out, usually at anywhere from the 7 to 10 day mark, then would use the ms-contins to maintain until I refilled whichever script. In the meantime, there were occasions where I resorted to street dope to get me through those days in between being able to pick up one script or another, and throw in a few xanax in that mix on other days without any opiates."
Dose of Ibogaine
Subject was administered "160 milligrams of ibogaine as a test dose. Then, again 40-45 minutes later, 896 milligrams of ibogaine, not even quite a gram, which equates to 14 more milligrams per kilogram per body weight for a total of 16 and a half. Then down the road a booster then yet another, both 3 milligrams per kilogram of 192 each. So you got 160, 896, plus 192 plus 192, equals to 22 and a half of milligrams per kilogram of ibogaine. 64 times 22 and a half is how much ibogaine hydrocloride you received."
In a message dated 7/26/04 11:52:54 AM: Re:IMPORTANT- any EKG suggestions?
To everyone who called/wrote in response, I say thanks very much for the fast replies and suggestions, you've all been most helpful. I got the name/address of a doctor who can and will do an EKG today for $50.
That's the route I am going to go I think. So, as long as it turns out ok, I'm one step closer to a new freedom of sorts, as noted, as long as everything goes ok today. Wish me luck folks.
In a message dated 7/29/04 1:23:50 PM: Ibogaine, and hewlett packard
It looked like I was going to actually be trying ibogaine in the very, very near future, but now it looks like I have to put it off a week or so due to getting a call-back for a Hewlett Packard commercial tonight- which shoots all week next week. I can't BELIEVE I'm bumming out at the possibility of landing a principle part in a commercial (if I get it- that's MEDICAL INSURANCE FINALLY!!! I mean, one has to make a certain amount in a year's time through SAG to qualify for insurance, which I've never done in the last 6 and a half, nearly 7 years of being in SAG) due to wanting to try ibogaine.
Weird how "god" works, no? Telling me to "hurry up and be patient." So anyway, think good stong thoughts my way please- if I do land this stinkin' commercial I have to see my pain doc a week early to make sure I have enough pain meds to get through 6 days of commercial shooting- egad. I'm soooo confused feeling right now.
In a message dated 8/10/04 5:09:45 PM: First Report
Ouch, that wasn't at all fun, no sir not at all, and now I amazed that anyone would want to do this TWICE, not just once. I Mean, ouch. But I saws some amzaing things. Ok, that's it. I gotta lay down again. Peace
In a message dated 8/10/04 11:01:16 PM: Second Report
At first, the person who turned me on told me, right after I took it, that not everyone "sees" the movies that are so reknowned from taking ibogaine. So i spent the first hour or two thinking, each time it would come on harder, "is this IT?" GRrr.
But that was silly, as I really went out there. I was seeing things 5000 years in the future, literally the end of time, whereby the people in power had the possibiliy to save the world, and us, and yet, as beautiful and godlike as they were they couldn't help but war amongst themselves.
Everything exploded, then I was in Iraq, in the cemetary were the huge battle has been waged for the last few days. That was no fun either.
But I'm alive, no withdrawals, but ibogaine didn't and I didn't expect it to, help with my pain. I apologize for not writing more, but I'm seeing trails off every single things,
In a message dated 8/11/04 9:42:28 AM: Third Report
I took 2 grams of ibogaine to start with at 2:10 PM on Sunday. Then I took three more boosters, starting 40 minutes after the initial dose.
When taking the first two boosters I still wasn't really aware of feeling much at all, and kept thinking as I May have mentioned yesterday that I kept thinking, "is this IT? Gee, ladida!. LOL.
That diddn't last very long.
I began hearing a very high pitch keening in both ears.Then began to notice hallucinations and way serious ataxia (which I'm still having trouble with today, 4 days later.) I didn't get any nausea, but I did eat two Dramamines about half an hour before taking the first hit of ibogaine. I spent hours peeeing gallons into a buket next to the bed, entirely unable to get to the bathroom at all.
I am stilll seeing very vivid and dramatic trails (and I"m not complaining, honest, it's just only wanting to go outside and unable still to navigate my 5 flights of stairs that kinda bothering me a little, but again, I'm not complaining. Patience hasn't always been this particular druggies strongest points.)
On the topic of movies, I seem to remember someone asking recently if it was actually a big silver screen with movie playing on it- Nope, that's not the description you want to keep in mind- or perhaps that just isn't how it happened to me.
The guy who gave it to me told me, again as I noted yesterday, that not everyone they're treated over the years actualy sees movies and nivana kinds of things. So I was getting a bit concerned that I was going to be one of those non-movie types.
I guess I am, because they weren't at all movies, they were as "P" told me recently, they're a freakin' HOLODECK!
I was THERE, in the things, experiencing everything first hand. I went way out in space and time (again, sounding mumbo jumbo) but I couldn't really affect anything that was happening, other than to try and move out of the way of one sword fight, gun battle, bombing, etc.
Not a recreational drug. I think I've heard that mentioned. BOY was that a truism if there ever was one.
As noted, I"m stll having trouble walking around my apartment so going outside yet is still a way off it seems.
I kept trying to tell V I was GOING DJing last night (LOLOLOL) but then as I walked through the kitchen with the light on bright, there were these grates and fence patterns everywhere, moving very rapidly, one in particular right directly between me and V's DJ deck...so I Took that as SOMEONE telling me to shut the hell up and lay down because I was NOT going DJing last night- and didn't as much as I really did want to.
So, I realize this isn't a flowerly, beautiful report full of stream of consciousness like stuff, but perhaps that'll come down the road a bit. I'm really trying to make a diary of this on this lists so that anyone else who decides they'd like to try this knows what's in store.
It is not a fun drug, but I have no withdrawals.
I have already taken very small amounts of pain killers (ms-contins), because while I Haven't a habit do to the ibogaine, I do have serious fucking pain that with no opiates in me I am VERY aware of.
But while still very early, I can say that I've no desire at all to do my usual 3, 4, 5 or 6 at a time. I took two last night becauyse I was in agony, scaring V a little but she calmed down quickly when she realized I really was in control and not binging, but rather treating the pain without seeking a high (I did lay in some pot, but even that at this point isn't something I've smoked a lot of.
I Hope you all don't mind my posting these rants, but I wanted to share. Sooooo, to strip and lay down in my bed again.
Peace, and love to you all.
](PS- I keep hearing from people that they too, when first coming out of the initial main part were very angry with their providers, that like me they absolutely did NOT want to take any more boosters, no way in HELL was I going to put more of that Shit in my body- but after tossing and turning and taking a valium to help calm me down, I took one booster, which did actually seem to help. And it didn't REALLY make me full on trip again but I do think it prolonged, it.
One other thing- V told me at one point I began talking, very, very fast and clearly, in some completley foreign language to anything she every heard I do wish she had been able to tape it but our taperecorder ia broken (Who uses tapes anymore anyway, right?>LOL)
Ok, I'm done and going to bed.
More peace and a whole Lotta Love (which if you play Van Halen's eruption right in the quite tripping part of whole lotta love is one of those really cool dj tricks I've taught myself. Try it, it sound AWEsome.) ;-)))))))))))))))))))
In a message dated 8/14/04 6:32:12 AM: Fourth Report
I'm noticing small but very distinct differences in myself this week, post ibogaine.
For one thing, I've suddenly got all the time on my hands that was once filled with "killing time" and now I spend time "filling time" instead, writing, playing music, taking walks or baths, planning and plotting, doing things.
I'm brushing my teeth regularly instead of my somewhat lax habits up to recently.
I'm washing dishes, doing cat litter duties, other chores, writing, when I think of it right away instead of thinking about thinking about doing this stuff.
My music preferences, while still leaning towards my usual heavier type styles of rock and such, are suddenly leaning towards slightly more trip-hopish like stuff, percussion and rythms, trippy stuff.
I went to Lotus tonight, a bar I usually cannot stand, mainly for the people but also cause I don't really like the music either- but tonight I didn't care about other people, I was glad to be there in a packed dance club, dancing to rave/house/triphop blasting through me. This is a difference, and something I actively sought out tonight- the chance to listen and dance to very loud music that is different than anything I would put on myself.
I"m a bit worried about when this glow wears off, as I mentioned to a friend today. It will pass, and I have always, ALWAYS in the past eventually forgot about newly found good healthy habits and revert back to old patterns of laziness and sloth in varying degrees- this I really do not want to happen to me again.
I'm thinking of trying another session in the near future (somewhere legal this time so no risk to anyone), to see if I can work out whatever issues it is that I have for cigarettes. I still am smoking like a freakin' chimmny, and my girlfriend hates it. She's one of those rare people who can smoke a single cig whenever she wants, then not smoke again for days at times. I never can do that, and I feel the damage being done to myself each time I light up- yet I have YET to stop. And I'm seeing those new anti-smoking adverts, the ones where one person says, "I just can't stop smoking," then the next person is sitting in bed with an oxygen tank saying, "I just can't get my breath," then someone saying, "I just don't think I can ever quit smoking," then another person, a doctor, is looking at x-rays and saying, "I just don't think I can operate." These commercials are really bothering me for some reason, unlike others in the part- yet again, I can't seem to fucking stop picking up that next cig and lighting up. And it's driving me nuts.
So the point is I would like to try another session very soon to maybe reexamine some of what I was exposed to last time but maybe didn't have time to really go into, being as surprised and wiped by the immensity of the first experience, a very trying and distracting experience for a first timer like me anyway.
I still feel calm and relatively happy most of my waking time. People are still noticing a glow of sorts, and while I normally stand out in a crowd anyway, people really do seem to be doing a lot more doubletakes towards me this week compared to usually, as though they really do sense something. I think part of it is a returned sense of self confidence, something I've been having a lot of trouble with, especially this entire last year or so, as the habit grew, my self-esteem had been declining exponentially. Now, that's changed too.
The fact this stuff so completely and utterly flipped the switches in my head and apparently my body too really bugs me out, leaving me gobsmaked and slackjawed in awe.
I also did a few hours of DJing tonight, also leaning towards the Perry Ferrel/O-Rang style of weirdish trippy spacy trancey type stuff (mixed in with the Queens of the Stone Age, Franz Ferdinand, Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, Monster Magnet, Joy Division, Cure, etc that I normally play).
So I just wanted to post a short update. Nothing too much new, but still, a few tidbits for thought and feedback if anyone desires. I'm very much enjoying all the feedback to previous posts and am reading them all, even I do not respond to every single note to me on or even off list. Peace and love all, Preston
In a message dated 8/18/04 3:29:58 PM: Forget Viagra/Cialis
This might be a bit off-color for some, so if you've got sensitive eyes and brains, read no more.
For the rest of you, who have been following my trials and travails, and recent resetting, here I go.
I have more energy that I've had in YEARS since taking ibogaine. I mean it, I'm getting up early in the morning, just like usual, but then I make a hearty breakfast, a real, hot breakfast, even adding yet MORE fruit to the mix this morning, blueberry on my morning's newly-ritualistic french toast.
But even more, I'm going out and moving around outside, all day, meeting publishers, being active, making plans and plots and actually carrying through on them in major ways. (The release party for "Under the Influence" will be held Oct. 21, 2004, at Uncle Ming's in the LES, Manhattan, so please mark your calandars- this is going to be one hell of a party, with hopefull Joker 5 Speed playing and possibly another band or two as well- it's gonna be a REAL party, so make plans all. This has to be the biggest event I've ever tried to put together, and it seems, at this point anyway, to be progressing smoothly.)
V and I went to see the "Marijuanalogues" last night (a perk of writing for HT- get in free to cool off-Broadway shows about pot), then I went and dj'd for about 5 hours straight, then we came home, and, well, made love.
I mean, you know, we made lots and lots of really horny amazing sex-love, for hours it felt like (cause it was for hours, LOL), in a way as I've not been able to accomplish in, oh, ages and ages, due to all my nerve endings being so numbed out by opiates that, well, suffice it to say I've not been the most sexually active individual for some time- and I have always felt it one of the most special activities that two people (or heck, more for those freaky types out there) can do together. Seeing as I am totally head over heels in love, have always loved sex of all kinds, and am extremely faithful to a fault (well, not really to a fault, that's known as an "expression"), it's been most frustrating to be such a "limp-dick" for so long, to be blunt about it.
But now I find, post-ibogaine, that things have changed. Wow! have they changed. I mean, up till recently things were ok, but not really all that magical. Hate to admit it, but I will- I've been a fairly accomplished looser lately in this regard.
Now though, magical almost begins to cover things, but only barely as things have gotten lots and lots bigger and, oh, harder and such. I realize I'm being awfully open about my personal life and relationship here, but hey, I'm so blown away (to coin a phrase) by the difference, as is my ultra-only-significant other, that I felt I had to say something about it, as it is yet another definite plus to having had the opportunity to try ibogaine.
So, throw away the Vigra and Cialis or whatever it is you're using and try ibogaine. ;-))
No, but seriously, I've not ever actually tried either Viagra or Cialis, but I don't imagine I will either now. Who needs that crap, I've got cleanliness to help me. And love and lust too, amazingly, after 8 years- real, hot, steamy lust and such.
Nuther big, happy, satisfied grin due here- :-))) Peace and love to all, and I hope I've not exposed too much here on this open list, but hell, I'm so, ummm, happy? Drained? Incredibly satisfied? Like a new man?
"All of the above" should just about do it. Peace and love again,
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The Ibogaine Dossier